As Covid-19 continues to spread across the globe, and we go deeper into our self-isolation in social distancing, so does the growing fear of this disease and the discrimination that it fosters. I know you’re scared. Scared for your loved ones and for your own safety, I am too. But trust me, there is no good in panicking and getting all caught up in the mass hysteria. As long as you continue to follow what is advised by the experts: self-isolating by staying home, keeping good hygiene practices, avoiding large gatherings and other protective measures, you can protect yourself and prevent the spread of this disease. Before you come to any final and disturbing far-right conclusions, I advise you to please educate yourself first. Listen to the experts, read trusted sources, and remain calm.
It’s so easy nowadays to react emotionally and carelessly without a second thought. I get it, we’re only humans, so easy to give in to our fears and to turn these fears into feelings of hatred and prejudice. Yes, Covid-19 originated in Wuhan, mainland China and has now globally affected 213 countries and territories (and still fluctuating). Yes, the death-toll is in the thousands worldwide, but if you carefully dissect the data, the mortality rate of this virus is “about or a bit less than 1%,” according to The Guardian. This is why many countries have shut down to slow down the spread and contain the virus. I reside in Toronto where our premier, Doug Ford, declared a state of emergency on Tuesday, March 17th ordering the closure of bars, restaurants, theatres and banning public events with over 50 people in response to this pandemic. Again, the intention is to slow the spread of the novel coronavirus and avoid overwhelming the health-care system. We are still in the early days of this crazy time so let’s be patient and wait for more information to be gathered. On a positive note, a large study in China found that about 80% of its confirmed cases had fairly mild symptoms (defined as no significant infection in the lungs). This eases me a bit. Learn the facts Deaths from Covid-19 are most common in the elderly, and those with serious chronic medical conditions such as heart disease, lung disease or diabetes. In comparison, fatality is very low among younger people, although medical staff who treat patients in the frontlines and get exposed to a lot of virus are thought to be more at risk. But even among the over-80s, 90% will recover (The Guardian). I’m telling you all of this to reassure you that there is no reason to panic. Of course you can’t completely shake off this fear, but don’t let it consume and cloud you from making any bad decisions. By bad decisions, I mean, allowing your fear to point fingers at who did what or who’s at ‘fault’ and discriminate. Public health emergencies like these are stressful for everyone in the community. Don’t be another reason for this struggling time. I’ve seen the fear and anxiety of this disease lead to the social stigma of Asian people and their culture. I’ve read the news; it manifests in the plummeting sales at Chinese restaurants, near-deserted Chinatown districts and reports of racist bullying against people perceived to be Chinese. This is a problem rooted in all adults and adolescents that unfortunately carries down as an example for younger children. For instance, high schoolers in California’s San Fernando Valley physically assaulted a 16-year-old boy and accused him of carrying the coronavirus. In the very early days of the pandemic in the U.K. specifically in Sheffield, a postgraduate student was reportedly verbally and physically harassed in the street for wearing a face mask to protect herself and others, while in Leicestershire two students – mistakenly thought to be Chinese – were pelted with eggs on the street in Market Harborough. In this graphic video posted by the Twitter user @ItsCeliaAu that has gone viral shows a train commuter shouting and cursing at an Asian passenger who was standing close to him and even going as far as spraying him with air freshener. This happened early in March in Brooklyn. It’s a terrible incident, and I can go on and on about similar cases. Since this outbreak, reports worldwide have been on the rise about racist acts directed at people of Chinese and other Asian descent. These are prosecutable hate crimes and are punishable by law. The psychology of pandemics Why do people default to hate, label and stereotype when scared, you ask? Well because it’s not anything new; we’ve seen the same xenephobic behaviours occur throughout history during disease outbreaks in North America. In the early 1900s, African Americans were unethically studied in the infamous Tuskegee experiments over a 40 year period. It was dubbed as the “Black” disease as Syphilis was rampant in these poor Black communities. More recently, the SARS outbreak in 2003 sparked the same wave of racism and xenophobia towards people from China. This too was billed as the “Chinese disease”. And let’s not forget the Ebola crisis in 2014 that infected public discourse with its xenophobia of people from the African continent. The parasite-stress theory These common reactions are a “deep-seated, evolutionarily influenced tendency in humans,” says Dr. David J. Ley of Psychology Today. He mentions the “parasite-stress theory,” the recent body of work illustrated by two researchers Corey Fincher and Randy Thornhill that explains how fear of outsiders is an evolutionary protection. In their research, the two define xenophobia not merely as fear or hatred of people who are different than us, but as: “Xenophobia—the avoidance of and antagonism toward out-groups—is an adaptation or evolved solution to the problem of being maladapted to the infectious diseases parasitizing out-groups,” (p334). Their study suggests that xenophobia was one way or another in which groups of humans tried to stay safe in a scary and dangerous world. “Xenophobia, based on parasite stress and fear of infectious disease, rests on some basic biological principles: namely, that people who look more like me are more likely to have a similar immune system as I do. Their biology is expected to be somewhat similar to mine when it comes to their exposure to disease. And so, if they look generally healthy, they are likely not to be carrying something that would get me sick. But someone who looks different than me may have a very different immune system than I do, and thus they may expose my family or me to diseases which my body and immune system are unprepared for.” Obviously this doesn’t say that xenophobia or racism at this time is justified or right, it’s a scientific fact. “Simply acknowledging that xenophobia has been adaptive in the past is not the same as endorsing or defending racism,” says Ley. This theory may help put things into perspective for you as we understand human history. Educate yourselves with the facts and resources Finally, let’s fight off this inevitable and evolutionary tendency of humans to reject “out-group” members of our society during this time by learning the facts. As the virus is now global — with USA, Brazil and Russia (in this order) being the top three most-affected countries, and with evidence of community transmission in most cities (the spread of an illness with no known link to travel or previously confirmed cases, which can signal a growing number of cases going unreported across the country, as defined by Adam Miller of CBC News) — you can pretty much catch it from anyone close by who is carrying the virus. There’s no telling of who carries it. The most we can do now to protect ourselves and prepare for the virus are to stay home, practice self-distancing, wash those hands (!!), have extra food and medicine stocked (don’t panic-buy though); and be mindful of other people who are more vulnerable to this virus (like the elderly and those who are immunocompromised). Help them if you can. More importantly, stay informed, but be wary of consuming too much fear-mongering content. My go-to resources are the World Health Organization (WHO) and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) pages as they update daily. But there are so many more readily available resources for you for example in your local community and government pages; do your research. Remember: temper fear with reason, panic with patience and face uncertainty with education. -- Illustration by @chung.woolrim. Sources: DW, “Corona-phobia: Like SARS, coronavirus fear feeds racism“; Forbes, “How COVID-19 Coronavirus Is Uncovering Anti-Asian Racism“; The Atlantic, “The Other Problematic Outbreak“; The Hill, “Why outbreaks like coronavirus drive xenophobia and racism — and what we can do about it“; The Mercury News, “Coronavirus: Santa Clara County D.A. joins chorus to deter price gouging, warns against virus-fueled hate crimes“; The Star, “Train rider sprays Asian passenger with air freshener amid Covid-19 fears“
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Do you ever lie awake at night and look at the things you wish you would’ve done or could’ve taken back? I’m talking about all those cringey moments you wish you could change. Been there, done that. This is just one small part of how my past haunts me. Let’s dive into the bigger picture.
I recently did an online psych assessment with a therapist through one of Ontario’s mental health services in my community. It was an hour long assessment – very casual, informative and comforting. My doctor was empathetic and truly listened to what I had to say. It wasn’t your typical assessment where the doctor asks you a series of questions to figure out what’s wrong with you. It was more open; I shared what I hoped to get out of the session. Based on what I told him (regarding my current situation and my overall mental state), he said that I shouldn’t dwell on my past, or as he coined it, the “what was.” This is the human side of us. We go through a traumatic experience, let it be a family or social conflict, and we obsess over what “should’ve happened” or what “could’ve been.” The past five years for me were tough in terms of my family situation. I moved out of my family home and not for the healthy reason that I wanted it to be. It was a reactive move, a necessary one at that; it was for my mental health and sanity. I couldn’t stand being in that house. I won’t bore you with the details but I was living in a passive, unhealthy and negative family dynamic. I had to do what I had to do. Thank goodness I even had this option to move out whereas some people don’t. Moving out this way definitely took a toll on me; it was a questionable and disturbing time. I carried a lot of emotional burden while also dealing with stress in university. Frankly I knew there was really nothing I could do to change my family situation. I had a blended family that formed so quickly and left my siblings and I in a trance. It felt like everything was changing and we couldn’t do anything about it. It was difficult to adjust. I felt irritated, angry and displaced for the longest time because I kept obsessing over what “should’ve been,” or what I would’ve wanted to happen. So unhealthy, I know. After sharing this, my doctor reassured me that it is more common than I think to dwell on the past. Instead, I should focus on my attention to accept. I don’t have to be necessarily happy about accepting my situation, but I also don’t need to be angry about it either. As long as I prioritize myself, and accept what is for what it is then I’ll be a whole lot happier in my life. I’ve been doing very well since Christmas time if I must say. I’ve incorporated a healthy routine in the New Year that I’m surprisingly still sticking with to this day (yay, go me). I meditate, do yoga, workout 3-4x/week and eat much healthier foods on the daily. I’m not perfect, sometimes I do have an off-week but the point is to keep pushing through. Take a break when you need to. Overall my mood and mental health has improved drastically. My doctor also emphasized practicing mindfulness during our session. Complete mindfulness takes practice to master; it won’t happen overnight but consistency will get me there. Essentially I have to condition myself to mindful practices and observe my feelings as it is when met with triggers. I need to learn how to detach from my feelings and all these terrible memories. With meditation, you are aware of what’s happening around you. When you’re being mindful, the key is not to label or judge what’s happening. They just are. It’s noticing your life with a little distance instead of reacting emotionally. There are so many tools and resources on the internet and in your community to help you cope. The Calm app is there for you if you’re comfortable with online-based therapy, or you can even try a similar app, Headspace. See what works best for you, and do your research. It’s also important to set boundaries for yourself and learn to completely let go of situations that you have no control over. Avoid obsessing over what was and what could be, instead start focusing on your actual reality, what is now. Prioritize yourself, always. Isolate if you need to. Personally I don’t initiate negative reactions with my family anymore nor do I engage in such conflicts. I’d say my relationship with them now is the best that it can be. I’ve changed my perspective. I’ve allowed myself to do just that — understand that not all situations are inherently negative. Sometimes it is our view of them that is negative (or positive.) If we don’t realize this, then trying to maintain a positive attitude in a negative situation is really a form of inner conflict, which will take effort to overcome and ultimately be super exhausting. That’s all from me today. As always, I wish you the best on your healing journey. Yours truly, Ann -- Illustration by @knstartstudio. Sources: Quora, “Is it possible to stay postitive in negative situations?”, WebMD, “What Mindfulness Can Do for You.” Ann:
Wow, it’s the beginning of a whole new decade. A chance at a fresh start. A whole new year for you to do and be better, not only for your own self-growth, but also to benefit those around you. I’m also not going to disregard the fact that the start of this year is pretty grim, what with the heartbreaking Australia fires, downing of flight 752 in Iran, Trump (!), ongoing war, hunger and the effects of climate change all happening right now around the world. The one thing we can do for sure is to start small, with ourselves, of course, then our local community and so on. Some things are just beyond our control. So I remind you especially at this devastating time to stay strong, educate yourself and help as much as you can. Please do your research, and read the news ladies and gents! With that being said, and as you can tell from this title, my good friend Sofia (who is a full-time nurse, but also a huge health & wellness advocate; her contact will be down below) and I are going to share our own personal thoughts on the perils of self-doubt. I feel like this is a great time to talk about this topic considering it is the new year, and I hope that around this time you are self-reflecting and working towards a better version of you; no matter how small or large that change may be. Before we ramble on, everyone should understand that there are two types of self-doubt: healthy self-doubt and unhealthy self-doubt. Healthy self-doubt are the questions we ask ourselves when we reflect inward in certain situations. This is good, and necessary. Asking these important questions helps us have humility, and we can relate better to others too. It also allows us to recognize that we’re not always right. On the other hand, you have unhealthy self-doubt, this is when you can’t see your own good qualities. These are the times when you are feeling insecure, fearful and unworthy. I go through these phases of self-doubt almost everyday. One day I am happy, content and super confident about myself, with my work and my lifestyle. Then other days, I am a walking human sack of anxiety, insecurity, and self-loathing. I often go through periods of days where I also just feel neutral on things too. Do you know those ones? Those times when you feel like a zombie on auto-pilot? I mean it’s not at all bad, or necessarily good either … you just feel “Comme ci, comme ça.”(Can y’all relate?). Sofia: Self-doubt has always been a crippling cycle for me too. One day it’s “I got this,” and the other it’s “Never mind I don’t.” And to top it all off, there are so many social media posts about motivational quotes that expect you to have a “go-go” attitude all the time, or else you’re not what is deemed “successful.” These two aspects are what I like to divide into ‘internally-motivated’ and ‘externally-motivated’ self-doubt. With that being said, I want to bring light to two things: Internal: As mentioned by Ann, healthy self-doubt is necessary. It allows you to post-reflect on situations that you could have reacted better towards. For example: If you have NEVER in your life learned how to use a fax machine (such a corny example) and your boss gives you the task to fax something, it’s okay to say “I’ve never done this before and I doubt I can do this by myself,” and then go and ask for help, or research how-to-use. This is, in fact, a responsible reaction to an acknowledgement that you don’t know everything. Unhealthy self-doubt is the opposite of this, it’s when you have completed something before (whether it had a good or bad outcome), and now when it appears again, you doubt your ability to try it, NOT to accomplish it. Please, do not let your unhealthy self-doubt sabotage you or any opportunities. All you need is that will to continue trying new things. Because hey, that’s life. No matter the outcome, you will have been successful for even trying. External: When social media posts tell you what a ‘hustler’ is, or ‘what a successful person looks like,’ do not buy into the idea that sacrificing healthy habits, taking breaks, and relaxation is not a valuable addition in this equation. Why do you think some of the most successful people prioritize ‘get-aways’ or ‘relax-cations’ (besides having the money)? These ‘breaks’ no matter how small (like going to a coffee shop and not doing any work), or large, are integral. It resets your brain, your mood, and your attitude to allow you to enjoy your craft again and feel motivated to succeed. A ‘go-go’ attitude is not the key to success. In fact, it will most likely lead you to burn out mentally and physically and negatively impact your body’s ability to move forward. From personal experience, those who I know have been successful in their endeavours have a similar pattern of resilience and self-discipline. It’s having the mindset that mistakes and mess-ups are inevitable to happen. Oh well, get over it and try again. It’s understanding that things take time to learn and master, so don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s overcoming the thought of “but if I do this/don’t do this, what will other people think?” and loving yourself enough to do what’s best for you despite any backlash, FOMO (fear of missing out), or inconvenience to others. It’s seeing the bigger picture and knowing that success is a marathon, not a race. Most of all, it’s disciplining yourself day in and day out about goals you’ve set to be a better you. Crush that self-doubt by pacing yourself to accomplish these goals! Combat these self-doubt triggers by reminding yourself, “I am on the way to becoming who I want to be.” Be patient with your growth journey and enjoy all the little and big wins you can get in this life! Ann: I know — easier said than done. As Sofia said, it’s all about having the right mindset, and loving yourself in the process. And also having a good group of people around you to motivate and lift you up whenever you are down helps, and is a HUGE contributor to successfully crush any unhealthy self-doubt. That is why I would love to give a shout out to all of my wonderful support system, y’all know who you are. Thanks for believing in me first before I get to fully believe in myself. You need these types of people in your life by the way. If you don’t have that, then it’s time to reevaluate your circle of friends sis. Again, know your worth, but also owe it to yourself. Understand that up till now YOU have surmount all the challenges that have come your way. YOU DID THAT! All that. All that work, effort, grind and tears, you should be proud of yourself. It is only when we are kinder to ourselves will we accept, rather than deny, our deficiencies. Then are we able to encourage ourselves to do and be better. We are capable of breaking this cycle. It’s up to us though. We must work on giving ourselves credit where credit is due. Good luck breaking this internal wall of a struggle! (Sorry, this is cheesy but it matches the illustration ahah). Yours truly, Ann & Sofia -- Follow Sofia on Instagram: @SofiaKFlor. Illustration by @seetaroy. Resources: My mood path, “When Self-doubt Consumes You – Identify and Stop It.” Hi, it’s been a minute. Life update — a lot has happened to me these past couple months. Granted it’s only been a little over two months since my post-grad blog post (if you haven’t read it yet, please do if you’d like), life is still pretty hectic. I’m loving every minute of it though, don’t you worry. I’ve never felt as at ease or as peaceful as I do now.
Anyways, I started a new bottle of pills for my anxiety – buspirone, to be exact, at a very low dose (5 mg, 3x a day), I highly recommend it if you suffer from general anxiety as it’s been managing my anxiety quite well. I no longer spend hours uncontrollably worrying, and becoming irritable. It did take a couple weeks for my body to adjust to the medication (it took a month for me, but for some it could vary from 4-6 weeks). It’s a small pill so there’s nothing excessive there. Though there is a bit of an aftertaste of the pill but it only lasts a couple seconds. Chug it with a whole cup of water then you’re good. More info on the medication here. I even managed two jobs at one point (haha that did not last long) — I burnt out quick! I took on a role as a barista at a cafe in Caledon for the weekends, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I mean, your girl was working seven days straight! My body was literally telling me “no girl stop, you’re overworking yourself, i is dying” in the best way that it does, through fatigue. I’m telling you now, nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself with stress (as said by the one and only Steve Maraboli). So please, please listen to your body and take care of yourself. I now try my ultimate best to do yoga every night before bed (your body needs to stretch and breathe after a day’s worth of sitting at your desk), meditate and overall eat healthier. I also love to journal in my notebook, that’s helped me a lot to cope. I’ve never felt better! It’s also a plus that I have my dog, Bear, by my side because I can have an excuse to go out and walk him. I don’t really have a direction for this post but I guess it’s a reminder for you to slow down. I encourage you to please work at your own pace, and prioritize yourself and your overall mental health first before anything. And if you are going through the same battles as I am, then please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, or better a mental health practitioner or your family doctor. Remember, self-care is not selfish. It’s an essential life practice for you to live your best life. Yours truly, Ann -- Illustration by @carlallanosillustrations. \Whether you graduated university, college, or whatever post-secondary education, post-grad will eventually hit you. And it will hit hard, unexpectedly, and sudden. That was for my case anyways. I recently graduated from university in June of this year then did some personal travels for the whole month of July. Prior to commencement itself, I completed my last semester in April and was basically a free bird until my vacation. So imagine three long months of freedom… sounds amazing right? Well, one person can only wake up past noon, eat late, watch Netflix and hang out for so long. Post-grad depression for me came in slow and subtle waves (of emotions)… just creeping up on me.
As a creature of habit and as someone who’s been a student for more than half their life, dedicating myself to school was all I knew. I had a schedule that I followed and planned my life around, and I was safe. But there I was… post-grad and all with no agenda, no timetable, just me, myself and my wonderful thoughts of what I should do next. Should I apply for jobs? No, no one is going to hire me for three months (remember, my pride was so high at this point since I held career-related jobs and internships already that I no longer wanted any association to customer service or retail). Anecdote: no offence to anyone who works in customer service, I just truly did not want to go down that road again having worked in customer service since seventeen. Do I keep chilling? Obviously not… I couldn’t sit still. I was literally freaking out every moment that I could because I was so worried for my future. All these questions came flooding in my mind, haunting me when I was at my most vulnerable: me in bed in the middle of the night. Sometimes in the shower too or occasionally during the day. Don’t get me wrong, I also did a lot in the span of these three months. I worked out (wow who is she?), read tons of books that I’ve been meaning to read but couldn’t due to school (ha). I listened to podcasts, read the news daily, hung out with friends and family, you get the point. I kept myself busy and overall practiced my mantra of growing as an individual, educating myself and becoming more self aware. However, I was constantly bombarded with negative thoughts. Questions such as “Will I ever find a job? Will I ever make money?” defeated this warm and healing time of self reflection. I was irritated, angry, lost, depressed, unmotivated, and a mix of all these terrible and draining emotions. Acceptable for someone who clearly wasn’t making bank and questioned their whole existence. After many conversations with my closest of friends, my boyfriend and my sisters, I did feel relieved. Still, my insecurity and fear of the future was at its highest peak. I was going through an existential crisis almost every other day or whenever I was alone. It. Gets. Better. I promise you. If only I read more about post-grad or at least mentally expected it then it wouldn’t have been so bad. That’s why I’m sharing my story now, in the hopes I inspire and reassure someone that it’s going to be okay. I honestly don’t understand why schools don’t prepare us or at least warn us for this heavy journey. Adulting is scary and the least they could do is inform us. Warning: prepare to have five existential attacks once a day and if you’re lucky, you only get one of the five a day. It boggles my mind how optimistic institutions are, and I don’t blame them. The list of media from movies to television shows who romanticize graduation day is so crazy. You know the picture: bright-eyed girl or boy (or non-binary, whatever you associate your gender with) walks across the stage hopeful and proud, diploma in hand. Nah, they should film the days after commencement: emotional nights with friends (or solo) with some sort of alcoholic beverage or joint in hand. I can only speak of my own personal experience, but coming from a lifestyle of schedules and me being the Type A personality that I am. Post-grad is hard, it’s a difficult transition emotionally, mentally and all the -ly’s out there (I can’t think at the moment). There’s a whole community of graduates in their 20s (or even older) right now literally coping and trying to understand this questionable time. If you weren’t one of the lucky ones to land a job straight from your placement or already had a job lined up, don’t worry you will get there. Stop comparing your own very unique path to other people’s success. As I said, it gets better. Staying hopeful, and truly working hard at making your dreams come true is all you need to do. Stay motivated. I thank these four months of post-grad for allowing me to think critically and truly self-reflect. I reflected on what made me love my passion… why I do what I do and why I studied what I studied. Ask yourself these very questions and start from there. It all begins with you. After you find the answers you’re content with, work on yourself and work your ass off to get there. Anecdote: I applied to over twenty job postings and typed up so many accompanying cover letters and email follow-ups of which we all know half of them didn’t even get read, but it’s okay – that’s the process. There were countless nights of anxiety attacks and me pushing through. From believing I was only qualified for internships because I didn’t think I was capable to pursue an entry-level job to finally valuing my worth and skills, I accepted a full time Communications role in the city and now work for a highly respectable and compassionate employer. HALLELUJAH! My worst enemy was myself. My worst habit was listening to my insecurities and fears to wanting to stay comfortable. I compared, compared and compared endlessly although so many voices told me not to! Sorry friends, I can’t help it – thank you God-given brain. But I promise you, once you get over that hump and finally see your worth, you are destined to do big things. It took me over four months to finally land a job in my field, it could take you less or even longer. Or you can simply make your own opportunities and be an entrepreneur or consider becoming a freelancer. However you define success aside, don’t forget to be excited and be patient always. Success stories take time. Life works in funny ways and trust me, you will eventually get there. Just don’t stay stagnant, keep moving and work your ass off. P.S. If you need a shoulder to lean on or have any questions whatsoever, hit me up. I’m all ears! Also, as I read this blog again, it does seem like I should’ve went to therapy during this time. In my defence, therapy is super expensive and highly inaccessible but that is another conversation for next time. Yours truly, Ann -- Illustration by @lisategtmeier. |
AuthorAnn Villegas (she/her) is a writer and media undergraduate based in Brampton, Ontario. In her work, Ann explores mental health, wellness, self-love and hopes to give a voice to all Asian women. Archives
July 2020
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