\Whether you graduated university, college, or whatever post-secondary education, post-grad will eventually hit you. And it will hit hard, unexpectedly, and sudden. That was for my case anyways. I recently graduated from university in June of this year then did some personal travels for the whole month of July. Prior to commencement itself, I completed my last semester in April and was basically a free bird until my vacation. So imagine three long months of freedom… sounds amazing right? Well, one person can only wake up past noon, eat late, watch Netflix and hang out for so long. Post-grad depression for me came in slow and subtle waves (of emotions)… just creeping up on me.
As a creature of habit and as someone who’s been a student for more than half their life, dedicating myself to school was all I knew. I had a schedule that I followed and planned my life around, and I was safe. But there I was… post-grad and all with no agenda, no timetable, just me, myself and my wonderful thoughts of what I should do next. Should I apply for jobs? No, no one is going to hire me for three months (remember, my pride was so high at this point since I held career-related jobs and internships already that I no longer wanted any association to customer service or retail). Anecdote: no offence to anyone who works in customer service, I just truly did not want to go down that road again having worked in customer service since seventeen. Do I keep chilling? Obviously not… I couldn’t sit still. I was literally freaking out every moment that I could because I was so worried for my future. All these questions came flooding in my mind, haunting me when I was at my most vulnerable: me in bed in the middle of the night. Sometimes in the shower too or occasionally during the day. Don’t get me wrong, I also did a lot in the span of these three months. I worked out (wow who is she?), read tons of books that I’ve been meaning to read but couldn’t due to school (ha). I listened to podcasts, read the news daily, hung out with friends and family, you get the point. I kept myself busy and overall practiced my mantra of growing as an individual, educating myself and becoming more self aware. However, I was constantly bombarded with negative thoughts. Questions such as “Will I ever find a job? Will I ever make money?” defeated this warm and healing time of self reflection. I was irritated, angry, lost, depressed, unmotivated, and a mix of all these terrible and draining emotions. Acceptable for someone who clearly wasn’t making bank and questioned their whole existence. After many conversations with my closest of friends, my boyfriend and my sisters, I did feel relieved. Still, my insecurity and fear of the future was at its highest peak. I was going through an existential crisis almost every other day or whenever I was alone. It. Gets. Better. I promise you. If only I read more about post-grad or at least mentally expected it then it wouldn’t have been so bad. That’s why I’m sharing my story now, in the hopes I inspire and reassure someone that it’s going to be okay. I honestly don’t understand why schools don’t prepare us or at least warn us for this heavy journey. Adulting is scary and the least they could do is inform us. Warning: prepare to have five existential attacks once a day and if you’re lucky, you only get one of the five a day. It boggles my mind how optimistic institutions are, and I don’t blame them. The list of media from movies to television shows who romanticize graduation day is so crazy. You know the picture: bright-eyed girl or boy (or non-binary, whatever you associate your gender with) walks across the stage hopeful and proud, diploma in hand. Nah, they should film the days after commencement: emotional nights with friends (or solo) with some sort of alcoholic beverage or joint in hand. I can only speak of my own personal experience, but coming from a lifestyle of schedules and me being the Type A personality that I am. Post-grad is hard, it’s a difficult transition emotionally, mentally and all the -ly’s out there (I can’t think at the moment). There’s a whole community of graduates in their 20s (or even older) right now literally coping and trying to understand this questionable time. If you weren’t one of the lucky ones to land a job straight from your placement or already had a job lined up, don’t worry you will get there. Stop comparing your own very unique path to other people’s success. As I said, it gets better. Staying hopeful, and truly working hard at making your dreams come true is all you need to do. Stay motivated. I thank these four months of post-grad for allowing me to think critically and truly self-reflect. I reflected on what made me love my passion… why I do what I do and why I studied what I studied. Ask yourself these very questions and start from there. It all begins with you. After you find the answers you’re content with, work on yourself and work your ass off to get there. Anecdote: I applied to over twenty job postings and typed up so many accompanying cover letters and email follow-ups of which we all know half of them didn’t even get read, but it’s okay – that’s the process. There were countless nights of anxiety attacks and me pushing through. From believing I was only qualified for internships because I didn’t think I was capable to pursue an entry-level job to finally valuing my worth and skills, I accepted a full time Communications role in the city and now work for a highly respectable and compassionate employer. HALLELUJAH! My worst enemy was myself. My worst habit was listening to my insecurities and fears to wanting to stay comfortable. I compared, compared and compared endlessly although so many voices told me not to! Sorry friends, I can’t help it – thank you God-given brain. But I promise you, once you get over that hump and finally see your worth, you are destined to do big things. It took me over four months to finally land a job in my field, it could take you less or even longer. Or you can simply make your own opportunities and be an entrepreneur or consider becoming a freelancer. However you define success aside, don’t forget to be excited and be patient always. Success stories take time. Life works in funny ways and trust me, you will eventually get there. Just don’t stay stagnant, keep moving and work your ass off. P.S. If you need a shoulder to lean on or have any questions whatsoever, hit me up. I’m all ears! Also, as I read this blog again, it does seem like I should’ve went to therapy during this time. In my defence, therapy is super expensive and highly inaccessible but that is another conversation for next time. Yours truly, Ann -- Illustration by @lisategtmeier.
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AuthorAnn Villegas (she/her) is a writer and media undergraduate based in Brampton, Ontario. In her work, Ann explores mental health, wellness, self-love and hopes to give a voice to all Asian women. Archives
July 2020
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