Ann:
Wow, it’s the beginning of a whole new decade. A chance at a fresh start. A whole new year for you to do and be better, not only for your own self-growth, but also to benefit those around you. I’m also not going to disregard the fact that the start of this year is pretty grim, what with the heartbreaking Australia fires, downing of flight 752 in Iran, Trump (!), ongoing war, hunger and the effects of climate change all happening right now around the world. The one thing we can do for sure is to start small, with ourselves, of course, then our local community and so on. Some things are just beyond our control. So I remind you especially at this devastating time to stay strong, educate yourself and help as much as you can. Please do your research, and read the news ladies and gents! With that being said, and as you can tell from this title, my good friend Sofia (who is a full-time nurse, but also a huge health & wellness advocate; her contact will be down below) and I are going to share our own personal thoughts on the perils of self-doubt. I feel like this is a great time to talk about this topic considering it is the new year, and I hope that around this time you are self-reflecting and working towards a better version of you; no matter how small or large that change may be. Before we ramble on, everyone should understand that there are two types of self-doubt: healthy self-doubt and unhealthy self-doubt. Healthy self-doubt are the questions we ask ourselves when we reflect inward in certain situations. This is good, and necessary. Asking these important questions helps us have humility, and we can relate better to others too. It also allows us to recognize that we’re not always right. On the other hand, you have unhealthy self-doubt, this is when you can’t see your own good qualities. These are the times when you are feeling insecure, fearful and unworthy. I go through these phases of self-doubt almost everyday. One day I am happy, content and super confident about myself, with my work and my lifestyle. Then other days, I am a walking human sack of anxiety, insecurity, and self-loathing. I often go through periods of days where I also just feel neutral on things too. Do you know those ones? Those times when you feel like a zombie on auto-pilot? I mean it’s not at all bad, or necessarily good either … you just feel “Comme ci, comme ça.”(Can y’all relate?). Sofia: Self-doubt has always been a crippling cycle for me too. One day it’s “I got this,” and the other it’s “Never mind I don’t.” And to top it all off, there are so many social media posts about motivational quotes that expect you to have a “go-go” attitude all the time, or else you’re not what is deemed “successful.” These two aspects are what I like to divide into ‘internally-motivated’ and ‘externally-motivated’ self-doubt. With that being said, I want to bring light to two things: Internal: As mentioned by Ann, healthy self-doubt is necessary. It allows you to post-reflect on situations that you could have reacted better towards. For example: If you have NEVER in your life learned how to use a fax machine (such a corny example) and your boss gives you the task to fax something, it’s okay to say “I’ve never done this before and I doubt I can do this by myself,” and then go and ask for help, or research how-to-use. This is, in fact, a responsible reaction to an acknowledgement that you don’t know everything. Unhealthy self-doubt is the opposite of this, it’s when you have completed something before (whether it had a good or bad outcome), and now when it appears again, you doubt your ability to try it, NOT to accomplish it. Please, do not let your unhealthy self-doubt sabotage you or any opportunities. All you need is that will to continue trying new things. Because hey, that’s life. No matter the outcome, you will have been successful for even trying. External: When social media posts tell you what a ‘hustler’ is, or ‘what a successful person looks like,’ do not buy into the idea that sacrificing healthy habits, taking breaks, and relaxation is not a valuable addition in this equation. Why do you think some of the most successful people prioritize ‘get-aways’ or ‘relax-cations’ (besides having the money)? These ‘breaks’ no matter how small (like going to a coffee shop and not doing any work), or large, are integral. It resets your brain, your mood, and your attitude to allow you to enjoy your craft again and feel motivated to succeed. A ‘go-go’ attitude is not the key to success. In fact, it will most likely lead you to burn out mentally and physically and negatively impact your body’s ability to move forward. From personal experience, those who I know have been successful in their endeavours have a similar pattern of resilience and self-discipline. It’s having the mindset that mistakes and mess-ups are inevitable to happen. Oh well, get over it and try again. It’s understanding that things take time to learn and master, so don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s overcoming the thought of “but if I do this/don’t do this, what will other people think?” and loving yourself enough to do what’s best for you despite any backlash, FOMO (fear of missing out), or inconvenience to others. It’s seeing the bigger picture and knowing that success is a marathon, not a race. Most of all, it’s disciplining yourself day in and day out about goals you’ve set to be a better you. Crush that self-doubt by pacing yourself to accomplish these goals! Combat these self-doubt triggers by reminding yourself, “I am on the way to becoming who I want to be.” Be patient with your growth journey and enjoy all the little and big wins you can get in this life! Ann: I know — easier said than done. As Sofia said, it’s all about having the right mindset, and loving yourself in the process. And also having a good group of people around you to motivate and lift you up whenever you are down helps, and is a HUGE contributor to successfully crush any unhealthy self-doubt. That is why I would love to give a shout out to all of my wonderful support system, y’all know who you are. Thanks for believing in me first before I get to fully believe in myself. You need these types of people in your life by the way. If you don’t have that, then it’s time to reevaluate your circle of friends sis. Again, know your worth, but also owe it to yourself. Understand that up till now YOU have surmount all the challenges that have come your way. YOU DID THAT! All that. All that work, effort, grind and tears, you should be proud of yourself. It is only when we are kinder to ourselves will we accept, rather than deny, our deficiencies. Then are we able to encourage ourselves to do and be better. We are capable of breaking this cycle. It’s up to us though. We must work on giving ourselves credit where credit is due. Good luck breaking this internal wall of a struggle! (Sorry, this is cheesy but it matches the illustration ahah). Yours truly, Ann & Sofia -- Follow Sofia on Instagram: @SofiaKFlor. Illustration by @seetaroy. Resources: My mood path, “When Self-doubt Consumes You – Identify and Stop It.”
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AuthorAnn Villegas (she/her) is a writer and media undergraduate based in Brampton, Ontario. In her work, Ann explores mental health, wellness, self-love and hopes to give a voice to all Asian women. Archives
July 2020
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